And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
high people should be assigned attendants
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
