So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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