Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
