If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you didnt know i had herpes?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
