it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
