my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
