Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
