Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
its liver damage thursday
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
