All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
