first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
