you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
