So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
