so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
