you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
