there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
