Farmville is her only friend.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
