I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
