well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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