So drunk its hurt
If that was your dad, he is hot
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i came on her dog
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
