It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Barsexuality is the new black.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
