god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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