I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
