do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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