My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
