Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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