It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
