someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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