Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
