Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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