Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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