Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
