i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
