I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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