Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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