im drinking this country out of the recession.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
