You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
