Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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