I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
