is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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