we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
