oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
