I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
