I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
