Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
