Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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