It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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