and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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