So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
