I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The feeling are messing with the penis
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
