they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
