the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize