if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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