ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
