did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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