Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We're too hungover to prance.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
