I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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