i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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