I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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