So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
