Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
