I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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