you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
