I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Who died my cat blue again?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
