she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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