winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
