I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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