Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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