k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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