you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
