On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
