You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
