Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
