It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
